Millions of years ago, a gigantic asteroid thundered through space with vicious intent. It’s target? Earth. It struck in South America with humongous force, way above the power of Thor’s hammer, causing massive devastation. Volcanoes erupted, tsunamis engulfed coast lines and thick dust hid the sun and plummeted the earth into a cold brutal environment uninhabitable to most of its inhabitants and the world changed Forever. This means that instead of looking out of the window as we travel through the country we get to look at cows instead of dinosaurs. Boring! Thus, we must drive all the way to London to look at what remains of these magnificent beasts. A bit of a pain but hey ho it’s a nice day out.


It’s worth stating that most of my visits to museums have been quite soul destroying to say the least. I once made the frankly awful decision to accompany a friend to Norwich Museum, 12 hours later 6 hours had passed and my life was left incredibly shorter. For those lucky enough to have avoided Norwich Museum, it’s made up of mostly stuffed animals, mostly extinct or endangered. One light-year into our visit I overheard a conversation between two people: “These animals are fantastic, I wonder why they’re extinct?’’. Well I imagine the animals would have stood a better chance if idiots hadn’t shot them, stuffed them, and stuck them in a museum for people to gawp at. So then, it’s fair to say that on route to the Natural History Museum I wasn’t brimming with anticipation.

As we walked up to the museum we were struck with the plight of most our capital’s attractions. Tourists! The queue was long and my patience, what there is of it, was left intact as the queue disappeared quickly because of a group of bag checkers, looking for explosives or weapons that cared for a swift approach. An approach that, on reflection, does not benefit from a swift, carefree attitude. Then again, queuing is annoying. Onwards then! After a surprisingly great cup of coffee from the canteen, (much better than the cup of warmed up mud you’d expect from a museum cafe), it was time for dinosaurs.


Probably the best attraction was an all singing, all dancing model of a T-Rex. Amazingly life like, it moved and sounded just like a T-Rex should. Well, how I’d imagine a T-Rex would have moved and sounded anyway. It may have had the campest walk ever and a voice like Kylie Minogue. That would have made for an interesting Jurassic Park sequel. Jeff Goldblum scrabbling to save his life as his trailer hung by a thread of a cliff while the big beastie gave a rendition of ‘I can’t get you out of my head’. I did however think it a great waste having such an amazingly life like T-Rex sitting out of the way when it could have been lurking around a corner ready to scare the hell out of tourists. The rest of the exhibit was a little samey, claws, teeth, and fossils… let’s face it though, it’s hard to follow a T-Rex.


It’s worth saying though, that the museum had a lot of other attractions. My favorite, was the mammals exhibit that managed to educate in a fun way and keep even my short attention span engaged. Overall, it was a great way to spend a couple of hours. What score would I give the museum… 2 out of 3. It was enjoyable enough however, what do we want from a natural history museum? For me I want them to bring history to life, to make me live it, to teach me, and overall inspire me.